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Theatre of Digital Arts ❤️

It was an amazing night went to Dubai’s Theatre of Digital Arts to see some amazing masterpieces from Vincent Van Gogh, Claude Monet, Wassily Kadinsky, Georges Seurat, Paul Cézanne, Edvard Munch, Juan Gris, Robert Delaunay, and Paul Klee.

You can visit “Theatre of Digital Arts” at Souq Madinat Jumeirah Dubai. Visit their website: Toda.Ae

KEEP SMILING ☺️ XX

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Daily Views ❤️

Hey there,

For the past year I had been collecting some videos from my trip to work and home (vice versa) since my phone memory is getting full, felt I needed to save these videos elsewhere.

Please do enjoy these views as much as I did!

Managed to squeeze editing this video whilst doing so much in between with my life as of the moment. Somehow needed this kind of distraction. A lil advice when things are hustle and bustle; take time to breathe and find inspiration, life can be draining and we often get lost, forget that we too needs a little bit of self care.

Song: Pool Side – Harvest Moon

KEEP SMILING 🙂 XX

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It’s Where The Demons Hide

October 24, 2019

10pm

Depression and anxiety are both real.

It’s out there.  

People must be aware and talk about it in a more sensible way. The stigma when someone says so, the reaction from others are immediately ‘ay sa isip mo lang yan’, ‘umaarte ka lang’, ‘emo ka kasi’ or ‘puro drama ang nasa isip mo’ etc.. I’ve always been a jolly person but behind that persona I have a demon in me since I was in High School. It was late when I out-grown my puberty stage when things were confusing and frustrating; it even got worst when I started to have hormonal imbalance. I was crying all night when I used to live with my Nanay. There were sequences I didn’t want to wake up, wrote my suicide letters to my family. I had a lot of things going on in my head at the time, I still recall as to why and one thing hits me was the pain. The continuous pain that seemed to be never ending.  

Circumstances happened to me (the universe knows how much) which made it even more depressing. I locked away from people for years. I cried all nights nobody knew what I had been going through or what I really felt. Filipino household isn’t open for such thing where they check up on others, at least to my family. I don’t blame it but I wish it could’ve been different. I’ve learned to be sentimental with my own thoughts, discreet with my words and keep my emotions for myself. I’ve discovered the way of me conquering depression is to listen to even more depressing music. Cos being sad in the lowest state of myself I couldn’t lose anything. It’s hard to cheer up when I felt like the world is on my back.  

Sometimes I’m incapable to do anything even simple tasks or didn’t have any motivation at all. I choose to close my door basking with my own problems and anxiety. I had multiple suicidal thoughts because I felt (still do) my life is meaningless and no purpose in this lifetime. But ain’t I good with covering my deepest and darkest self? People sees me as positive, outgoing and strong. Frankly enough I had minimum of 3 breakdowns a month for the past 11 years I didn’t want anyone to pity me with my hidden sensitivity.

I didn’t think anyone could help me but myself anyway and that is why I’m still getting through this so called ‘life’ to figure out how to conquer my anxiety and maybe one day, just maybe things will be better. Funny enough my goal in life is not material things, success or whatever. I just want to be HAPPY not the temporary simple bliss.  I want GENUINE and REAL happiness. Is it too much to ask?

People said it’s easy to be happy you just have to make simple things worthwhile. I’m not against and I agree, I’ve always been positive despite the demon inside me. But some days I get into dark places and it’s hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel. Millions of people in different age brackets are struggling with depression and anxiety unfortunately some taken their lives for the thought it will permanently kill the pain. I’m not proud but I’ve been to the point of almost losing myself.  

When I came here that’s where my depression really kicks in even deeper because of the new phase of life. In February I tried to find a local community for free diagnosis or just to have someone to help me with I was so desperate but I wasn’t able to. Fortunately I was able to get myself back over again after going through it multiple times for the past months.

I feel sad for other people who couldn’t even have the strength to conquer their demons even for a while. It’s a very bad society that we are in. I’ve heard on a podcast how millions of people died in a year because of suicide and in PH we had a high number of cases. I had a friend who shot himself back in 2013 I was distraught because we weren’t able to meet and he was a really funny guy. I guess the worst thing about when someone committed suicide is the people whom they left, like the pain gets pass on to the family and friends. And these people would question why would he/she commit suicide? and here is the important note of this long thread..

Check people ask them how they are. Their answer might be vague but showing compassion and concern can make someone else’s day. No one has asked me for a while how I’m actually feeling and even double checked if it’s forreal until somebody did. I cried a little, it warmed my heart

I’ve never shared this side of me with anyone but lately this has been a weight I’ve been wanting to get off of my chest. I cried secretly in the working area, bathroom, on the bus and even on the street cos this continuous anxiety is something I cannot control. Lately it’s been too much, I felt like I’m going to lose my mind I don’t know how I’m able to still cope with my everyday life when I feel like the world is falling apart on me. I’m really desperate to get better. It’s been over a decade since I had it together with my hormonal imbalance. People said ‘it’s okay not to be okay’ but it’s not good to not be okay constantly.

My quest to have my mental health sorted is still in the process. I want to wake up each morning feeling happy that I don’t need to feel sad or anxious about what might come through my day but just going with the flow on what’s ahead. One thing I’m proud of myself is I try to have the courage to embrace and then shrug it off for awhile. I know it will be there but I’m still in the process of getting better everyday. I want to breakaway. I want to get off from these chains. I want to fly like a bird.

If you’re reading this and might be on the same pace as mine.

Be kind to yourself and be kind to other people.  

I hope one day your demon will be gone. We live in a pretty messed up society where people need validation from others and that’s also why most people get depressed. No one needs validation. We just have to accept who we are and love life.  

You’re loved, you’re worthy and you’re awesome.

Goodnight 🌙

KEEP SMILING 😊 XX

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Beauty Top Favorites ❤️

Hey guys, how’s it going?

It’s been awhile since I did a beauty review.

Not that it matters but I hope this post will reach out to people who can relate or looking for something they haven’t tried. I’m going to share a variety of products that I swore by which are mostly affordable. If you’re a follower of this page from years back, you’ve probably seen some of my makeup looks, it was those days where I’m quite into cosmetics but the past 3 years I’ve sort of slowed down and focus on my skin care as I’ve developed couple of things on my face such as acne, warts, black heads, freckles, discoloration and sun spots. It was quite a struggle so I had to stop putting so much products on my face not that it mainly causes the problem but I needed to holistically take care of my skin first.

There were 3 factors as to why, based on my personal observation. First, it has to do with the changing weather as I was living in a tropical country also part of my job at the time was being outdoor and I’m often exposed under the sun that I sort of regretted later on as to why I never used sunscreens. I’ve never been a fan of sunblock only because the products I’ve tried before wasn’t good for me, it gets sticky after a while of wearing which I hated on any products to have that kind of effect. But when I did MAC Makeup Class 3 years ago I was taught and enlightened how important sunblock is, then I started using until I found the best brand for my face/body and never felt much happier. I went for a face detector courtesy of PONDS which basically can tell if your skin is accurately based on your age fortunately my skin matched my face and age but I had a higher percentage for sun spots, which caused the freckles and warts. I cannot afford to have laser pigmentation treatment yet but to prevent, the best is using sunscreen all the time.

I undergone cautery for my warts, specifically on my cheeks, forehead, around the eyes and on the side of my lips. It was a pretty weird feeling the next day because of the aftermath but I’m happy with the result if anyone hasn’t tried cautery it wasn’t that painful also dermatologists are very gentle so I highly recommend. All of my warts were gone but I was told it can be developed again over time in other different or same factors as why I got those in the beginning which I don’t mind going back. My main issue now is my blackheads around my nose it’s a life long struggle because my nose area is the first thing that gets excessively sweaty. I did DIY extraction of it using some tools and nose strips but it didn’t remove fully however I went to some Derma clinic which effectively removed everything. I haven’t gone in a while and I think it needs to have an extreme extraction PRONTO!

 Second, I’m not exfoliating enough, this is actually a big mistake on me because I’m not really used with exfoliators, I prefer rubbing using a loofah and towel I’ve learned that there’s a difference between the two which I know now better. I’ve used natural exfoliators such as what we can find in the kitchen ei; Brown Sugar, Honey, Salt, Oatmeal, etc.. I’ve tried those and it did make such difference. But as of the moment I’m using some products specifically to exfoliate my skin type which are below on the list.

Lastly, PCOS (PolyCystic Ovary Syndrome) which some of you might have been familiar with. A lot of women are struggling on this common hormonal disorder and unfortunately, I am one of those. I was in denial that I have it, I thought I could be exempted for some reasons but some of my friends and even all my sisters have it. When I was diagnosed I started to embrace and improve myself. The mood swings, hair falls, irregular periods, darkening of some parts of the skin, acne, excessive hair growth on different parts of my body, occasional bleeding, and weight gains. It all made sense after the diagnosis. Yet, it didn’t stop me with my lifestyle, I just tried to be better each day and make it as if part of my body and that one day I can conquer it.

Now that I’ve shared most of what I’ve experienced let me guide you through to the stuff I use that honestly worked on me. It may or may not work on to some so no pressure whatsoever. As we grow older, we started to become conscious on the products we try on ourselves as it changes from time to time. I used to be on the oily side, you cannot imagine how I can fry an egg on my face on certain days. However, when I turned 24 my skin became dry and dull. Thus, why I de-clutted some makeup/skin products that no longer suit my skintone and I had to explore and try different brands. It was difficult and until today I’m still looking for much better products. If you have anything to recommend please comment down below and I would love to check and perhaps try.

I’m no skin expert but if you have the same dry to oily skin I would suggest products that worked on me.  I’ll be sharing both Skin Care and Makeup Products I had been using for the past two years although I am not sure the availability of some products to other places but I’ll try to give more information on each.

Skin Care

 I’m very minimal on the stuff I put on my face now, as less is better but whatever suits anyone’s face then there’s no issue at all even if it’s few products at a time.

As I’ve said these are the products I’ve tried yet I’m still in the look for other options that will suit my skin.

St. Ives “Gentle Smoothing Oatmeal Scrub & Mask”

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                                                                       – Photo Credits to the Owner –

     – An effective exfoliator that gives a soft finish result especially if you let it sits maximum of 10mins. I only use this 3x a week. It has grounded walnut shell powder and oatmeals that’s a bit rough but don’t worry it isn’t as stingy when you rub it on your face.

Available: Any supermarkets and pharmacies worldwide.

Himalaya Herbals “Purifying Neem Daily Scrub”

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                                                                                            – Photo Credits to the Owner –

   – Yes, I’m using two exfoliators don’t judge lol now that I’m in a quite hot place plus the humidity whenever I go home from work I felt my face is heavy as if I’ve the whole dirt from that day stuck on my face. Fright not this is very gentle scrub that can be used twice a day this is for normal to oily skintone but surprisingly it worked on me.

Available: Any supermarkets and pharmacies worldwide.

Nivea Creme Moisturizer 

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                                 – Photo Credits to the Owner –

  – One of the best in the market in my opinion and still a classic product. I’ve been using this for years. I like to set my moisturizer before sleeping or putting my makeup. It can be heavy on the face so I suggest to use a decent amount to cover.

Available: Any supermarkets and pharmacies worldwide.

DermPlus “Moisturizing Sunscreen Ultimate SPF130”

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                                                                  – Photo Credits to the Owner –

  – When I was in Manila I’ve tried couple of sunblocks and this product sets apart not only it has high SPF which I love but the subtle and dewy finish even if you wear it for long periods of time. Also its super moisturizing! I always suggest this to all of my friends and family. It suited for going to the beach but I use it on daily basis. On casual days where I don’t need to put any makeup I just pat a small amount to cover my whole face as its quite concentrated and I’m good to go!

Available: Any Watsons and any supermarkets in the Philippines. (Unfortunately, this is only available over there) but this is the link for a local online shop https://shopee.ph/DERMPLUS-Moisturizing-Sunscreen-Ultimate-SPF-130-100mL-Tube-i.16863743.1117105138

Banana Boat “Ultra Protect Sunscreen Lotion SPF80”

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                                                                                 – Photo Credits to the Owner –

       – I use this other option which I recommend as well because of its hydrating effect both on face and body and it’s not sticky. Also, this is the only available sunblock that I like and suits me on this weather as DermPlus is only available in the Philippines.

     Available: Any supermarkets and pharmacies worldwide.

Makeup

In the past years I’ve used so much products both drug store and high-end Im often on full face makeup as it was a trend back then but the maintenance of it is pretty expensive. I used to splurge on makeup products which is not good cos most of my purchases just turned into waste either it wasn’t what I expected or I found something better. I’ve learned over time that I don’t need a bunch of make up but just a few that works.  Before I flew here it was only then I’ve realized I had a ALOT of makeup that I haven’t used or even tried. It wasn’t practical and all just went into the bin. I’ve learned my lessons and now I try to be a better purchaser than I was before. Thus, I opted to more reasonable and minimal choices suits me best. Nowadays there’s just so many makeup brands one after another and what pisses me off are celebrities/influencers creating their own brand just because they can. I don’t want to rant about it but I think it’s best for consumers to research or go for the brands that’s trusted and knows the cosmetic industry well enough.

I’ve had a fair share of being the kind of person that whenever a new product comes out I’d buy it instantly and often times it was just a regret lol Presently I try to be reasonable as much as possible and only pay for sensible and good quality products.

Quick FX “CC Cream”

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                                                           – Photo Credits to the Owner –

  – I have fair skin tone but in terms of using shades like foundation or concealer I go for one shade darker only because I don’t want to be too white if you know what I mean. However, I slowed down with foundations and use this product instead it was suggested by one of my colleagues who’s also into makeup. It’s a pretty incredible CC cream that has super nice finish, blends and suited for Filipina skintone from dark, brown and fair. Light and dewy finish that covers redness. My favorite is the combo of DermPlus SPF130 sunblock top with Quick FX CC Cream. It gives me a flawless natural no makeup look. HIGHLY recommend!

Available: Any Watson branches all over the Philippines. (I do apologize as I’m not sure if it’s available elsewhere, I recently asked my sister to send me a bunch of this in sachet from Manila cos its cheap and one can last me at least 2 months even If I use it on daily basis) I have no knowledge if they ship worldwide but you guys can also purchase it online over Watson Online Store  https://www.watsons.com.ph/cc-cream-10g/p/BP_10100449

Sophie “Magic Pink Cream”

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                                                                                           – Photo Credits to the Owner –

   – At first I was sooo skeptical with this cheek tint because I never use the brand also Sophie isn’t famous for cosmetics but this was gifted to me by my brother’s wife and surprisingly It was sooo good. I love the effect as if I have natural rosy cheeks. Although it’s too pigmented, so I suggest to just use a small amount on both cheeks and try to blend it seamlessly cos it gets dry quickly. You can build it up to some extent but I prefer it light. This is a cheaper version of Benefit “Cheek & Lip Stain”.

Available: Sophie Paris outlet in the Philippines. I’m not sure if they ship worldwide but this is from the website https://sophieparis.com.ph/collections/make-up/products/magicpinkcream-cosmetic?variant=9310463688756

NYX “Blush” (Amber) 

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                                                       – Photo Credits to the Owner –

  – This is my other option for blush which is in powder. I was a huge fan of Smashbox blushes but I found NYX blush as cheaper and has pretty the same quality I prefer using this with a damp sponge than a brush. Also, I used to be a contour maniac but I’m a blush girl now lol I sometimes do contour if there’s an event I’d go to but I’d pick blush over contour for sure.

Available: Any NYX cosmetic stores worldwide.

NYX “Professional Makeup HD Photogenic Concealer”

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                                               – Photo Credits to the Owner –

  – Finding the best concealer is pretty difficult in my opinion. That’s why it took me years to find the most effective specially I have a stubborn acne marks, dark and saggy under eyes. I’m still in the search for the best however I’m pretty contented with this one thus far.

Available: Any NYX cosmetic stores worldwide.

Laura Mercier “Translucent Powder”

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                                                                                            – Photo Credits to the Owner –

  – A cult favorite! I have no words but I love this powder as much as my lipsticks lol A good quality product for setting makeup and its super light its pricey but trust me it’s all worth it.

Available: Any Laura Mercier Shop or Sephora worldwide.

NYX “Stay Matte But Not Flat” Powder Foundation (Soft Beige) 

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                                              – Photo Credits to the Owner –

  – My other option for a flawless matte finish makeup look. It’s just a bit heavy so I don’t suggest using brush but a damp sponge in applying and use a pretty decent amount to cover your face. This shade is one shade darker than my skin tone but it suits me well.

Available: Any NYX cosmetic stores worldwide.

Maybelline Mascara

(Yellow Volum’ Express and The Colossal and Purple Volum’ Express, The Falsies)

– Lets all admit that Maybelline has still one of the best mascara’s in the market. I’ve only tried few different brands as I’m quite loyal but some of my friends were suggesting other Mascara’s which i’m very open but for now heres the combo that makes my eyes flattering. A lot of people are complimenting about my eyes but truth is I’ve a very dull unflattering eyes but because of these mascaras it makes it look appealing.

Fashion 21 “Dipliner” (Black) 

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                                                                          – Photo Credits to the Owner –

  – If there’s any product I wouldn’t want to trade for anything is this particular one. It’s one of my holy grail I’m truly loyal to this liquid liner. I’ve been using it for more than a decade it was suggested by my older sister who’s also a makeup enthusiast. I’ve tried other options but I often go back. It’s a long wearing pigmented liner. As you know me a cat eye is my forever-go-to-look and thanks to this for making me extra lol

Available: This is a Filipino Local Brand Fashion 21 available in any Watson, beauty store, supermarket in the Philippines. Here’s a link to the online shop not sure if they ship worldwide https://www.fashion21cosmetics.com/products/eyes/dipliner/

ELF “Mad for Matte Eyeshadow Palette” (Nude Mood) 

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                                                                                              – Photo Credits to the Owner –

  – I’ve never really tried any ELF makeup ever until one of my friends who came to visit from Canada gifted me this palette which surprisingly something I never thought I’d like. I use this semi-pigmented palette if I do an eye makeup look which is very rare these days but I included this here because I had been using two shades from the palette for my brows funny enough it worked on me (Its the 8th and 10th shade from the palette). If you’ve seen some of my makeup looks from the past I’ve tried different stuff from pencil, liquid, cream and powder some were good and some just didn’t fit me well. Currently obsessed on this palette as it matched my brown-ish hair color.

Available: Any ELF Store, Pharmacies or Beauty store worldwide but I found this from ELF website https://www.elfcosmetics.com/mad-for-matte-eyeshadow-palette—nude-mood/83325.html?cgid=eyes-eyeshadow-palettes#start=14&sz=24

Avon “Perfectly Matte Lipstick” (Red Supreme and Ruby Kiss) 

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                                                – Photo Credits to the Owner –

  – Same with ELF and Sophie Paris I’ve never tried Avon as well but my other sister got these two lipsticks shade for me when I had a blonde hair. They’re equally amazing but I love combining both shades it just makes my lips super plump and it gives a nice finish on my makeup look also since I have a fair skin it’s honestly flattering. I like the longevity of this where I don’t need to retouch even if I eat oily foods. It’s such an incredible luscious matte and pigmented lipstick. Reminds me of NARS Audacious collection but only this is the cheaper option.

Available: Avon is available worldwide but I found this link from Avon Ph on their official wesbite https://www.avon.ph/avon-ph/product-detail.~Perfectly-Matte-Lipstick-3.6-g~PRODUCT~1190928~.html?curnav=ea56078d-a801-4931-8dfb-cc194be7ea98&pageId=1190928

SunniesFace “Fluffmate” (Major and Hot Sauce) 

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                                                                             – Photo Credits to the Owner –

  – As you can probably tell I love RED lipsticks so this shall be included. It’s from a Filipino Brand which I’m very proud of because of its amazing quality that can be compared to high-end brands out there I’m not being bias but trust me this is worth a purchase. I first bought  ‘Hot Sauce’ one which later on I gave to my little sister since she liked it. Same with Perfect Matte Lipstick by Avon it last long and I don’t need to have a retouch. This lipstick is super pigmented one glide on the lips you’re good to go but I like my lipstick to stand out so I usually swipe twice or thrice. What’s so good about Fluffmate is even when you put so much its very very light on the lips as if not wearing any you can also opt this as a blush. They have 9 shades available I haven’t tried the others but when I’m back in Manila I’d get them all. HIGHLY RECOMMEND though!

Available: Any Sunnies Face store in the Philippines. They ship worldwide so go get yours! Major: https://www.sunniesface.com/makeup/fluffmatte/?c=SF000-08  Hot Sauce: https://www.sunniesface.com/makeup/fluffmatte/?c=SF000-09

MAC “Mineralize SkinFinish” (Lightscapade) 

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                                                                        – Photo Credits to the Owner –

  – One of my favorite MAC products that I’ve tried. This is perfect for night out or parties where there’s so much lights going on as it really stand-out. However, I use this highlighter on daily basis but on minimal application.

Available: Any MAC store and Sephora worldwide.

There you go some of the stuff I had been using. It doesn’t matter whether you use local, drug store or high-end beauty products as long as it suits you and not damaging, go for it!

I have so many things to try and discover but for now I’m pretty contented on being minimal and practical with my choices. If you guys can recommend anything please do share it with me. 😊

That’s it for now and see you on the next post!

KEEP SMILING 😊 XX